Wedding Etiquette

I’ve had my share of weddings, no not like Elizabeth Ann Taylor, but as a guest, maid of honour and a bridesmaid. I know the technical, financial aspects, the excitement, drama and
the attention to detail that goes into planning the big event. But, nothing surprised me more than the lack of etiquette received by many of the guests, pre, during and post wedding.

Whether it’s the gift, the attitude or the attire, I have been flabbergasted (for lack of a better term) by the actions of some people. Being a maid of honour and a bridesmaid at my cousin’s weddings, I worked closely with them to help plan the big day. So it was no surprise that I got to witness (unfortunately) the behaviour of a bad wedding guest.

I composed a list of what I find to be the ultimate guide to wedding etiquette.

One may think it’s common sense but if you’ve heard the cliché that common sense isn’t so common- you’d understand why this list is so vital.

As a guest, review your invitation:
Don’t be offended if your boyfriend of 5 months (or even of years) doesn’t get invited. Unless you are extremely close (a cousin, close relative or best friend), the bride and groom do not owe it to you to invite your significant other (harsh? not really). There could be many reasons as to why they do not want them there (or can’t have them there).
– Financial reasons
– Lack of space at the reception
– Perhaps they just don’t like them
it’s their big day and you are not the dictator, handle the situation maturely.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a strong believer that the bride and groom should acknowledge your spouse, common law partner, long term partner, etc. The issue usually lies within guests that have boyfriends, girlfriends or the single ones. Along with reviewing your invitation- DO NOT ask if your girlfriend or boyfriend can come if the invitation was not made out to “Ms. Joanne Smith + John White” or “Ms. Joanne Smith + Guest”. It’s rude and puts the bride and groom in an uncomfortable position. Alongside with asking them, DO NOT r.s.v.p on behalf of you and your guest unless it is absolutely indicated on the invitation that they are invited or that a plus one is allowed to attend. Please do yourself a favour- don’t be that guest.

Attire
Get a feel for the wedding theme. Is it a black tie event, a semi-formal function or an outdoor  affair? Dress accordingly. You don’t want to stand out like a sore thumb, be respectful to the bride and groom- dress courteously and with class.

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And of course, the biggest one of all, to wear white or not to wear white? In some cultures, white is traditional and good luck to wear. Unless it’s indicated or mentioned, please refrain from wearing white or cream.

Gift
If you have to ask if you should bring a gift or not, you must be living in the clouds (no offense). Unless you are providing a full service in exchange as a gift (dj, photography, decor etc.)
a monetary or registered gift from their registry is required.

Attitude
Now is not the time to pick a fight with a “used to be best friend” or your estranged aunt Martha that you happen to bump into. Ignore and carry on with the evening. Open bar? Keep in mind your intake on alcohol, now is not the time to be belligerent. Dietary restrictions? Voice this at the time the r.s.v.p card is sent out, the bride and groom will be thankful that they have been notified before hand.

Keep your comments to yourself
If you think the bride looks too thin, her dress doesn’t flatter her figure or that the centre pieces are awful, keep that to yourself. Sharing your negative opinion (especially with the bride)
is hurtful and disrespectful. Likewise refrain from speaking negatively after the wedding
to others. “The chicken was dry, they barely spoke with me, the colour combo was horrible.” I’m sure in your mind you may be the expert at wedding planning but that is not something that needs to be shared with others. Like our grade two teacher once told us, if you have nothing nice to say- don’t say nothing.

Enjoy yourself
When all is said and done, a wedding is a special milestone not only for the bride and groom but for their family and friends. Enjoy the day with the bride and groom. Have fun and embrace the moment.

So ladies and gents, any other factors you believe are important in terms of wedding etiquette for the guests? Feel free to share with us!

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